For years I carried a gym membership (until I realized I could workout for cheaper in my own home). And while it was nice having a seemingly unlimited supply of dumbbells and access to hundreds of machines, I always found myself feeling self-conscious during my workouts.
Sometimes it was because the guy next to me had bigger biceps.
Sometimes it was because I wasn’t sure if I was using one of those machines correctly.
But most of the time, I felt self-conscious because I wasn’t lifting as much as the guys around me. Now, that’s not to say that I felt weak. I simply focused on completing more reps with less weight, while many guys tend to focus on the opposite (less reps, more weight). But still, it bothered me. I’d often think to myself:
They know I can lift more, right? They can tell that I’m just trying to do more reps, right?
And workouts weren’t the only way I compared myself to others. On a regular basis, I would compare my writing to other writers, my style of public speaking to other speakers, my parenting to other parents, and even my way of praying to other Christians.
Now, that’s not all bad. After all, it’s good to watch others so we can challenge ourselves, learn, and grow. But the reality is that each person is on a different journey. And because of that, comparing ourselves to one another doesn’t necessarily lead to true growth.
So what does?
A few years ago, I began to set concrete and measurable goals that I would track throughout the year. As each year ended, I would look back to see what I accomplished. Inevitably, I would then compare myself from year to year. And that’s when I realized something:
The best comparison I can make is not to others. I best comparison I can make…is to myself.
Last week, I celebrated my 37th birthday, and as I began my day, I asked myself a simple question: Who am I on this birthday compared to who I was on my last birthday?
Questions like this have changed the way I look at my life. No longer am I focused on the habits, abilities, and behaviors of others. Instead, I focus on who I am, how I act, and what I do. And it isn’t something I do only from year to year. I’ll compare who I was last month to who I am this month. Or, I’ll look at who I was yesterday to who I am today.
It doesn’t matter how you do it, but the bottom line is this: Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing the way you look to the way the person next to you at the grocery store looks.
Stop comparing your parenting skills to the numerous others parents you encounter.
And stop comparing your prayer life with the prayer lives of the rest of the assembly in your church pews.
The path to true growth begins and ends with you. So if you want to get in better shape, be a better parent, or live a holier life, compare yourself to you. For me, it was the best comparison I ever made.
Question: What is one way you compare yourself to others that you need to stop?
Hey Eric, your point about comparison is true and profound, I went through a life changing experience last year, it lasted one year, it was painful and left me confused to who I was and where I was in my life, very scary. But, the Hand of God never left me, there He taught me that I was in the “desert” alone to realize my change and growth which was going to lead me into becoming a beautiful butterfly.
I too learned that I couldn’t compare me or my situation to anyone, because I was on a special journey and I had to figure it out. Through deep, deep prayers, contemplation, wonderful people in my life, counselling and even your article on how you lost your dream job and ended up as a florist driver inspired me to understand that I’m not alone and all will be well. Thank you for your inspirational writings.
God bless you, Margaret. It’s amazing how the Lord continues to work on our hearts throughout our lifetime. Thank you for sharing and for your witness of faith.