A couple weeks ago, my wife and I joined her family for a trip to Hawaii. I say “trip” because anyone who has ever traveled with a 4-year-old and 20-month-old knows it’s definitely not a “vacation.” But our boys did great on the 7-hour flight, and between the pools, beach, and family time, we built some great memories the first 6 days.
And then came day 7, our final full day in Hawaii.
Around 1:30 a.m., Kellen (our 4-year-old) woke up crying. Now, this is unusual because he typically sleeps through the night, but he had a horrible cough, a growing fever, and was complaining that his throat hurt. So, we gave him some medicine, helped him fall back asleep, and took him to urgent care when it opened in the morning. After 2 hours at urgent care and some more medicine, we headed back to our hotel room where we spent the remainder of our Hawaiian “vacation.” No more pools. No more beach. No more lava flows.
The only thing we had to remind us we were even in Hawaii, was this amazing view.
I wanted someone to complain to. I wanted some kind of sympathy. I wanted someone to feel bad for us (even though we were in Hawaii).
And that’s when I felt the temptation, the little voice inside my head saying:
Post about it on Facebook…
Instagram this sad state of affairs…
Complain about your kids to your social media audience…
Thankfully, I resisted, but it wasn’t easy. When life gets hard, especially as a parent, it’s tempting to seek validation, affirmation, someone to commiserate with whatever struggle we are currently experiencing. As a dad of 2 kids (with another one on the way), I get it. Parenting is hard, and the tantrums, illnesses, and sleepless nights often come at the worst and most unexpected times.
But does it really help to complain about them on social media?
Let’s think about this for a moment.
How would we feel if our kids felt the need to complain about our parenting to their social media audience? Would we like all our flaws out there for the whole world to see?
And what if our parents had Facebook available when we grew up? What if they logged on at every opportunity to complain about our frequent diaper changes? That would make for some interesting Facebook memories, wouldn’t it?
And, maybe most importantly, what does it say about the sanctity of life (to a world so quick to devalue it) when we complain about that very life we hold so sacred?
A couple weeks ago in Hawaii, I got it right. But it hasn’t always been that way. I’ve complained plenty of times about my kids to friends and family. I’ve talked extensively to expectant parents about the struggles of parenthood while only casually mentioning the overall beauty of it. And I’ve whined about the lack of sleep, constant interruptions, and loss of free time I’ve experienced since becoming a dad 5 years ago.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t be real and authentic. And I’m certainly not saying we shouldn’t share the realities of parenthood with non-parents. But when we’re so quick to complain, or when we put it on blast on social media, we’re not only a poor witness to those who want to be parents one day. We’re a poor witness to the sanctity of life.
As parents we can do better. And we need to do better.
So, the next time your kid loses his mind in the grocery store aisle, won’t go down for her daily nap, or throws up all over his sheets at 2 a.m, take a deep breath. Resist the temptation. And take your complaints to prayer instead. Allow the Lord into your struggle…and He alone will validate you.
This has been on my mind lately, kids have bad days just like we do and we should allow them that.
Catholic Anwers posted a blog yesterday about the gift of children, they are not a right but truly a gift. I need to keep these in mind.
Congrats on your new baby!
Amen Rita! And thank you. I think it’s a matter of really questioning what we post and why we post it. I think there’s plenty of room for being real and authentic, and even finding the humor in parenthood. Heck, I wrote about that in my last post. But, it seems too many parents air their grievances online without much thought. Maybe it’s because their child is young, and they figure he or she will never see it. But our posts won’t go away, and there’s always a chance our kids could one day see what we say about them online. So, I think it really comes down to our motives. For me, in Hawaii, I was going to post because I was looking for sympathy. It was about me. And that’s when it clicked that I shouldn’t be posting about that situation.